What Are Guys Really Looking For in a Girl?

When I married my husband fifteen years ago, I had no idea that a big part of my life would be giving birth to and rearing little replicas of him. If you line all five of us up and check out our profiles, you’ll easily spot the nose that doesn’t belong (mine).

Our oldest son, Sam, is almost fourteen, and today on the way to his guitar lesson, I asked him what things he admires in a girl—what things he’ll be looking for in a wife someday. I like to spring questions like this on him when we’re in the car and he can’t escape.

He actually had a lot to say on the topic, and to my surprise, looks didn’t even make the list.

Sam said he admires girls who:

  • have a strong faith in Christ.
  • are honest.
  • aren’t petty and easily offended.
  • think for themselves and have an open mind.
  • aren’t obsessed with social media.
  • are comfortable with themselves and don’t compare themselves to everyone else.

I don’t give guys enough credit. I assume they’re just interested in girls who look like they could be in magazines or movies. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Well, now my curiosity was piqued. What might other guys say in answer to this question? In hopes of finding out, I posted it on our church’s Facebook page.

A few of the young single guys in their twenties weighed in. Jon said he’s looking for kindness, an adventurous spirit, and someone who shows the love of Christ in her interactions with others.

When we follow Jesus, the things that make us attractive as a friend, a girlfriend, or a spouse naturally begin to grow in us.

Charles said he’s looking for someone with a heart willing to obey the Lord “no matter the cost.” He’s also looking for someone who’s willing to serve people and to “know and be known.”

John says he’s looking for someone who’s “sold out for Christ,” who has a “sweet and tender spirit,” and who shows biblical “lead-ability.”

Do you see a common theme here? It seems that young men who love the Lord are looking for young women who love the Lord!

I’m writing this post, not because we should identify ourselves by what guys want in a girl; of course we shouldn’t! When we follow Jesus, though, the things that make us attractive as a friend, a girlfriend, or a spouse naturally begin to grow in us.

Colossians gives us a picture of what that attractive follower of Jesus looks like:

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Col. 3:12–17).

Compassionate, kind, humble, meek, patient, forgiving, peaceful, loving, wise, joyful, and grateful? I want to be like that. How about you?

About Author

Jennifer Case Cortez is a literary-agent-turned-stay-at-home-mom. She loves connecting young women with God's Word, and her writing has been featured in the Mom's Bible, the Devotional Bible for Dads, and the Life Promises Bible. Jennifer loves playing her guitar, eating Nashville hot chicken, and hanging out with her husband Daniel and their four children: Sam, Joshua, Jacob, and Evelyn Grace.

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