Set Free From The Need To Be Liked

Our readers love to talk about God’s truth. Several months ago, we offered the chance for LYWB.com readers to submit posts for our blog. The response was overwhelming. You’ll be able to catch the writing of these one-time guest bloggers in the coming months. These are readers just like you who are striving to live out God’s truth. Since these are guest bloggers, their style or approach may be a little different than you’re used to, but we’ve read every word and we think they’ve got something important to say. In fact, check this great post by Stephanie Edwards.

crowd pointing fingers at young womanAt fourteen, I was insecure. One summer afternoon, I spilled my heart to my camp counselor. I confessed that I was distraught because no boy had ever shown interest in me, yet my friends were definitely being pursued. I was pretty, smart, and a Christian. Why was I so unlikable?

The need to be liked is a common problem for girls. We have a natural, God-given desire to be pursued, loved, and wanted. We know God loves us and values us. But we often aren’t satisfied with that—we want human love. This is not bad in and of itself … if we keep it in perspective. Any good desire taken out of context becomes a bad desire. It’s no wonder we struggle with this, in our culture, where everyone and everything screams at us: “YOU NEED A BOYFRIEND. IF YOU AREN’T BEING CONSTANTLY PURSUED BY GUYS, YOU ARE NOT VALUABLE.”

We think we aren’t affected by these messages. But we are.

So what’s the truth?

Truth #1: All people have value because God made them, God loves them, and they are made in the image of God (Gen. 1:27).

Truth #2: Without Christ, we are not beautiful. We are guilty enemies of God (Col. 1:21). We have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23).

This is a tough truth to grapple with. However, if we repent, ask for forgiveness, trust in Jesus Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf, and allow God to cleanse us, we are saved. Not only are we saved from an eternity in hell, but our lives are bought and we are adopted. We now are children of God.

For those of you who have never made this decision, I seriously hope you will. But for those of us who have, we need to realize how valued we are now. We are not just slaves, not just servants, but children, heirs, princesses of the King of Kings—the one who formed each continent and named the stars.

In light of this truth, what would I say if I could re-visit fourteen-year-old Stephanie? Looking back, I’m glad no boys liked me in that season of my life. It forced me to come to the conclusion that whether or not boys like me, God loves me, and He’s the only One I want to please. Free from boys, I was able to focus on my relationship with Him, my family, and my friends more easily than a girl who was constantly being pursued. God has set me free from the need to be liked!

A few tips for girls who struggle with this:

  1. Let God’s truth speak to you more than the world’s voices.
  2. Read lludy’s books—start with Set Apart Femininity and Authentic Beauty—and websites/books like LYWB.com to encourage you.
  3. Find at least one friend to support you.

I hope that you girls will let God do a work in your life and set you free from the need to be liked. He can and will do it!

About Author

Stephanie Edwards is a senior in high school from Michigan, where she lives with her parents and sister, Christie (and who could forget the adorable pet Yorkie, Scooter). She enjoys piano, volleyball, funny movies, and board games. You can check out her blog, Steph’s World, at stephaniesblogmylife.blogspot.com.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

  • * Requests or gives personal information such as email address, address, or phone number.
  • * Attacks other readers.
  • * Uses vulgar or profane language.