Is It Okay to Think He’s Hot? (Part 1)

I have a confession to make. Some might call it a “dirty little secret,” though I don’t know if I would go that far. See, I’m a married woman . . . but Brad Pitt? He looks good ladies, and I ain’t gonna deny it. Ever since I saw him in (a movie I’m not going to mention because it’s not any good and will totally date me), he’s been one of the few—and I mean, very few—celebrities that I find way cute. Like cute enough to watch a movie just so I can see him in it.

To admire is not the same as to desire.

In case you’re wondering, my husband Paul knows about this silly thing I have with Brad Pitt, and he teases me good-naturedly about it. Paul and I can laugh about it because he knows that I am helplessly and gloriously in love with him alone. My heart is his, and I don’t have eyes for another. My hubby and I also know something else—an important truth that: 1) gives us the freedom to appreciate good-looking people when we see them, and yet 2) keeps us from forming unwanted attachments to said good-lookers. Are you ready for the secret?

To admire is not the same as to desire.

Sounds simple, I know. But this is big time! This little truth has the power to completely change a cycle of crush-addiction, keep us from needlessly longing for guys we know we shouldn’t like, and can even help protect us from the temptation to cheat on someone we love.

Admire vs. Desire

First, let’s get a handle on those two words: admire and desire.

admire: a) regard (an object, quality, or person) with respect or warm approval, b) regard as impressive or worthy of respect, c) look at with pleasure

desire: a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen

Did you catch the difference?

I have respect and warm approval for Brad Pitt. I certainly regard his gorgeous face as impressive and his acting worthy of respect, but that’s where it ends. I don’t desire Brad Pitt. I don’t have a strong feeling of wanting to have him, and I don’t wish for him to show up at my front door with a bouquet of roses.

God designed us to admire. But He graciously also enables us to keep from desire.

You and I can admire a guy without desiring him. And that is very good news, because God wired humans to admire the qualities He gave to the opposite sex. Am I right? As girls, we’re drawn to the masculine qualities God gave Adam—not only his body, but also his strength, steadiness, confidence, and his desires to conquer, protect, and be tender toward a woman. Guys too are drawn to the feminine qualities God gave us as girls—not only our beautiful bodies, but also our gentleness, sensitivity, care for others, and desire to nurture and support. Yep—God designed us to admire. But He graciously also enables us to keep from desire.

Admiring from a distance flies in the face of so many things we’re taught by society, doesn’t it? From a young age we’re told that if we see something we like, we can (and should) make it ours. We ought to own it. That’s a lie that goes all the way back to Eve and that tantalizing fruit! Because Jesus Christ has freed us from sin’s power, we can admire the good we see in a guy—whether a chiseled chest or godly character—and not follow those thoughts with, How can I make him mine at all costs?

But . . . how?

So glad you asked. Tune in tomorrow for the key to keeping admiration for a guy from turning into desire.

Your turn to weigh in! Do you have a certain celeb that you—ahem—admire? Do you think it’s possible to admire a guy without desiring him? Any ideas how to do it?

About Author

Jessie Minassian

Jessie Minassian is a speaker, blogger, and the author of ten books and Bible studies, including Crushed, Unashamed, and Backwards Beauty. She is the "resident big sis" at, a Q&A website for teen girls. Her work for teens and their parents has been featured internationally through outlets such as Focus on the Family, Parenting Today’s Teens, She Reads Truth, Axis, Revive Our Hearts and YouthWorker Journal. She and her husband live and serve at Hume Lake Christian Camps in California, and have two daughters.

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