How Writing a Book on Sex Helped Me as a Newlywed

I never ever imagined I’d write a book on sex. I certainly never imagined that I’d write a book on sex as an unmarried woman who had never had sex. Who does that?

Looking back on the researching, writing, editing, and reviewing of Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart, I am convinced that God used the writing process to prepare me for marriage.

In the years preceding this book, I considered myself to have a good and balanced view on biblical sexuality and sex within marriage. I had read lots of books on the topic! Little did I know just how much I had to learn.

When I began the research process with my co-author, Kristen, I was regularly blown away by how unbiblical many of my perspectives actually were. My concept of sex was a lot more shallow and less meaningful than I realized. Turns out, I had a lot to learn about God’s design for true intimacy. My perspective of sex was shaped by the culture around me without me even realizing it. The more I dug into the topic of sex, the more I realized just how much I’d been influenced by the world.

Writing a book on sex forced me to:

  • Unpack the true meaning of purity. (Not just the versions I’d heard or grown up with.)
  • Dig deep into the biblical metaphor that sex truly is.
  • Take a deeper look at temptation and unpack it more fully.
  • Realize more and more that true satisfaction is only found in my relationship with Christ.

Gaining a biblical worldview on sexuality served me so well on my honeymoon and early months of marriage. Knowing God’s amazing design for intimacy helped me to love my husband more freely and enjoy him more fully. I was able to go into our honeymoon without the pressures and expectations of the world. I knew that great sex was about so much more than a “perfect physical experience.”

Sex Is More Than You’ve Heard

I’m so glad I went into marriage knowing that God didn’t create sex to simply be mechanics and movements.

God created sex to be a journey that a husband and wife go on within the covenant of marriage. It’s a journey of learning to love, serve, and give to the other out of a pure and humble heart. It’s a journey that bonds the two together in unity. Sex is a journey that, when enjoyed in the covenant of marriage, causes couples to love God more fully. Sex is a celebration of the covenant of marriage. It is so much more than a physical act.

Looking back on God’s timing for my life, I can’t thank Him enough for allowing me to write this book as an unmarried woman. Gaining a solid biblical mindset and being discipled by God’s Word, not the world, was such a gift that prepared me for the gift of marriage.

If you’re currently single (or just desire a better, more freeing, more biblical mindset on sex) I strongly encourage you to make sure that you are being discipled on sexuality from a biblical perspective. If not, you will be discipled by the world in this area, likely much more than you realize.

That’s the entire purpose of Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart. It’s all about discipling women (single or married) on God’s incredible and freeing design for sex. I hope you’ll grab a copy and discover, like me, that God’s plan for sex is more amazing than we ever dreamed.

About Author

After a brief experience in the modeling industry, Bethany’s eyes were opened to how self-absorbed and lost her generation of young women really are. She and her older sister were inspired to start a blog ( and wrote a book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. Their passion is to help young women find God’s truth about beauty and womanhood and the freedom that comes from living a radically different life for Christ.

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