Deep down inside I hoped that this was the day. The day I’d been dreaming of for my entire life. The day I never imagined would ever actually become my reality.
After a beautiful brunch in Fredericksburg, Texas, my boyfriend whisked me off to a classy vineyard filled with gardens and gorgeous flowers. We walked towards the lake in nervous anticipation. There was a quaint little table waiting just for the two of us.
My palms started to sweat and my heart began to race.
The next few moments went by as if in slow motion. Dāv walked me towards a huge oak tree, which just so happened to have his ukulele leaning against it. Then he played me the sweetest song, ending with the words, “I just want to ask you. I just want to ask you. I just want to ask you right now . . .” After the last note faded away, he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.
I covered my face with my hands and started to cry.
This was too good to be true. How could this be my life? How could this man be mine? It was too wonderful and too amazing. Through the tears, I said “yes,” and Dāv slipped the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen onto my finger.
At that moment I didn’t question whether or not I was ready to get married. I had already thought through it and decided I was ready to say “yes” and commit the rest of my days to this man kneeling before me.
But I’m often asked the question, “How did you know that you were ready to get married?”
I wish I could tell you that a banner dropped from heaven with big words written on it telling me when I should get married and to whom. That didn’t happen, though. There were no secret signs, no banners in the sky, no audible words from the Lord, or anything like that.
Instead, I knew I was ready to get married because a few crucial aspects were in place. What follows isn’t a magical list, and everything I’ve written doesn’t need to be in place in order for you to get married. These are just a few things that helped me, and I’m hoping they will give you some insight into areas that you can dig into—areas you may want to consider if you hope to be married in the future.
- I had a godly man who was pursuing me and interested in marrying me.
- I didn’t see any red flags. (Learn more about red flags here.)
- I had the support of my parents and godly counselors.
- I had invested in my character and by the grace of God was in a place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to take on the role of being a wife.
- I wasn’t basing my decision solely on feelings and emotions. I had sought out the wisdom of others and was receiving mentorship and counsel along the way.
- I wasn’t personally dealing with any ongoing habitual sin struggles (porn addiction, drugs, self-harm, etc.) that could be a hindrance in our relationship.
- I had a genuine relationship with God and was seeking to find my identity and purpose in Him (not in the relationship).
- I had prayed, dug into God’s Word, read Christian books on marriage, and felt ready enough (it’s impossible to be one hundred percent ready) to move towards that season of life.
- I wasn’t looking for a relationship to complete me; I knew that I was complete in Christ.
These reasons gave me the confidence to move forward and say “yes” to marriage. Was I going to be the perfect wife? No way. Would I still have tons of learning to do? Yes!
When I got married in October of 2018, I didn’t stop learning. I didn’t stop growing. Instead, I continued to seek wisdom from other married couples. I continued to learn more about my husband. I continued to grow in my character. I continued doing what I had been doing before.
The learning and growing never stops.
What about you? When you read through my list above, where do you see yourself? Have you been intentional in growing in your relationship with God? Are you working on finding your identity in Christ rather than in a guy?
Ultimately, your relationship with God is the most crucial aspect of marriage preparedness. I once heard that good marriages are like a triangle. God is the top point and the husband and wife are the two lower side points. As you grow in your spiritual walk, you get closer to God. The closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other. Focusing on your relationship with God is something you should be doing for the rest of your life. Starting that right now would be the best marriage preparation in the world.
I’d love to hear from you now.
What do you think needs to be in place for someone to get married? If you’re married, how did you know you were ready?