Warning: Mature content.
Do you struggle with same-sex attraction? Do you wonder if you might be a homosexual?
I know; I just said the “H” word. I’m here to tell you your struggle does not make you a freak, and I am here to offer you hope.
You see, I am a born-again, pastor’s daughter who struggles with same-sex attraction.
I am also married to an incredible, Bible-believing man. How can this be?
Well, stay tuned, dear sister. I am going to take you on a journey.
I “prayed the prayer” to ask Christ into my heart at age six. From then on, I had a deep sense of knowing He was real. My incredible, God-fearing parents and siblings showed me this reality every day.
But I was hurt. In fifth grade, an older, strange man came up to me while I looked at toys in a store and molested me. I was confused, angry, and afraid. Why would he do that? I wondered. God, is that You? The only answer I could come up with was that God did it to me; God sent a man to molest me because I disobeyed earlier in the day.
So I came to fear God—not fear in the godly sense, but fear Him because He might send a lightning bolt to blast me any time I messed up again.
I also feared men. They are only sex-maniacs who want my body, I concluded. It might seem strange, but in order to keep these guys away from me, I got them to like me. When they liked me, I could control them. I could break up with them and hurt them before they could hurt me.
Girlfriends were not easy for me to make. I am naturally a quiet girl who likes to have fun, but I could also spend an entire day reading a great book. Quiet Laurie did not get the attention I craved from friends and family, so I focused on getting good grades, dressing well, and becoming the most popular girl in school and church.
However, inside I was desperately lonely. I wanted someone—one true friend—to notice the real me. I didn’t want oodles of friends; I just wanted one person to see and love the real me.
I had fleeting thoughts of more-than-friend-attraction toward other women throughout my life, but I never considered I could be a lesbian until I was in college.
This was when I met “Heather.” We struggled in similar ways—both broken and hurt by men in childhood and both desperately craving attention from a real human. We were also both Christians.
Were we “born that way”? I don’t know. Scientists say they have found genes for alcoholism, obesity, adultery, and pedophilia. I would not be surprised if scientists genetically mapped out every struggle by the End Times. What I do know, however, is same-sex-attraction was my struggle and is currently my struggle, but I am not a victim to my genes or my desires.
Heather saw me unlike anyone else had. However, the relentless love of God would not let me go. I knew in my heart that what God says in His Word is true—He loves me. It was as if God communicated to my heart, “Laurie, I love you. I have something even better.”
What was this “better” way? I’ll give you a hint: It’s not heterosexuality. It’s not even becoming a Christian. (Remember, I was one.)
Will you stop by again tomorrow to talk about it?
Until then, let me know if you or someone you know well struggles with same-sex attraction. Do you or do they feel safe talking about it with other believers?
Talk to you soon!