Hope in the Face of Same-Sex Attraction

Warning: Mature content.

Do you struggle with same-sex attraction? Do you wonder if you might be a homosexual?

I know; I just said the “H” word. I’m here to tell you your struggle does not make you a freak, and I am here to offer you hope.

You see, I am a born-again, pastor’s daughter who struggles with same-sex attraction.

I am also married to an incredible, Bible-believing man. How can this be?

Well, stay tuned, dear sister. I am going to take you on a journey.

I “prayed the prayer” to ask Christ into my heart at age six. From then on, I had a deep sense of knowing He was real. My incredible, God-fearing parents and siblings showed me this reality every day.

But I was hurt. In fifth grade, an older, strange man came up to me while I looked at toys in a store and molested me. I was confused, angry, and afraid. Why would he do that? I wondered. God, is that You? The only answer I could come up with was that God did it to me; God sent a man to molest me because I disobeyed earlier in the day.

So I came to fear God—not fear in the godly sense, but fear Him because He might send a lightning bolt to blast me any time I messed up again.

I also feared men. They are only sex-maniacs who want my body, I concluded. It might seem strange, but in order to keep these guys away from me, I got them to like me. When they liked me, I could control them. I could break up with them and hurt them before they could hurt me.

Girlfriends were not easy for me to make. I am naturally a quiet girl who likes to have fun, but I could also spend an entire day reading a great book. Quiet Laurie did not get the attention I craved from friends and family, so I focused on getting good grades, dressing well, and becoming the most popular girl in school and church.

However, inside I was desperately lonely. I wanted someone—one true friend—to notice the real me. I didn’t want oodles of friends; I just wanted one person to see and love the real me.

I had fleeting thoughts of more-than-friend-attraction toward other women throughout my life, but I never considered I could be a lesbian until I was in college.

This was when I met “Heather.” We struggled in similar ways—both broken and hurt by men in childhood and both desperately craving attention from a real human. We were also both Christians.

Were we “born that way”? I don’t know. Scientists say they have found genes for alcoholism, obesity, adultery, and pedophilia. I would not be surprised if scientists genetically mapped out every struggle by the End Times. What I do know, however, is same-sex-attraction was my struggle and is currently my struggle, but I am not a victim to my genes or my desires.

Heather saw me unlike anyone else had. However, the relentless love of God would not let me go. I knew in my heart that what God says in His Word is true—He loves me. It was as if God communicated to my heart, “Laurie, I love you. I have something even better.”

What was this “better” way? I’ll give you a hint: It’s not heterosexuality. It’s not even becoming a Christian. (Remember, I was one.)

Will you stop by again tomorrow to talk about it?

Until then, let me know if you or someone you know well struggles with same-sex attraction. Do you or do they feel safe talking about it with other believers?

Talk to you soon!

About Author

Laurie Krieg

Laurie Krieg is the founder of Hole in my Heart Ministries, a compassionate counseling ministry for those wrestling with issues related to sexuality. Laurie blogs, mentors, speaks nationally, and podcasts. She also serves as a director on the board of The Center for Faith, Sexuality & Gender. In her free time Laurie enjoys playing superheroes with her daughters, and running so she can eat more cookies. To learn more about Laurie and all she does visit himhministries.com.

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