I’m preparing my notes for True Woman Indy and Fort Worth as I write this. Erin and I have been praying together and separately, and God keeps leading our heart back to a similar thing when we take our teachings for these events to His heart. For me, it sounds something like this: “Be fresh. Teach from what your heart is learning now.” I could use your help connecting the dots of my random thoughts. Here’s what I have that’s fresh in my heart.
What I’m learning now has to do with horses and desires of the heart. You see, since I was a little girl I have always wanted a horse. The desire never faded. I love them. Five years ago, Bob and I finally looked at 12 acres to try to buy the land for a horse. We couldn’t pull it off. I cried. Then I left for a missions trip with Susie Shellenberger (former editor of BRIO and editor of SUSIE magazine) and 750 teenagers. During one of the teaching sessions, Susie talked about letting go of our desires so we can follow God’s plan. I cried again. Then a girl from Canada got up and shared how she always wanted a horse and when she finally stopped asking God, He gave it to her. That night, through a lot of tears, I surrendered. I told the Lord that I was willing to follow His plan and the desire to have a horse was His, too.
Here’s something cool. Since that night, I haven’t really thought about it too much. It was a full surrender. I clung to Psalm 37:4: “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I understood it to mean that as I delighted in Him, I would desire what He gave me with no need of something I can’t practically have.
Do you know what God did this summer? He bought me a horse farm. Oh, it’s little. It’s so tiny that it really doesn’t deserve the word farm. We get to move in soon. And here’s what is hilarious: We still can’t afford it. But the property wasn’t selling, and the owner was very motivated. I’m TRADING less than an acre and a house for ten acres, a house, a four-stall horse barn, and a utility barn with tractors! My mortgage payments will be the same. (Yes, this is an impossibility.)
So I went to look at a horse Saturday. And it didn’t work out. It became apparent to me that though God is setting the stage, I’m not ready. My barn is. But I’m not. I haven’t ridden for a while. I’m rusty.
I felt so … desperate and sad. I asked God, “When have I felt this before? What is this emotion? It’s familiar, but it’s been sooooo long.” And then I knew. It’s what I felt during that horrible period of waiting before God to meet the man I would marry. Crazy, huh? But I’m sure it’s a similar emotion. I am in a season of waiting.
That’s where I am. As I pray, God keeps reminding me that I asked for a freshness to what I teach at True Woman and that this horse—or newly released dream of one—has something to do with it. But I can’t connect the dots. Can you help me?
- What emotions are you wrestling with as you wait on God for something? Maybe a guy?
- What does the verse “delight yourself in the LORD” mean to you?
- How can my horse story encourage girls at True Woman?
- How does it encourage you?