Guy Friendships and the Five T’s

Friendships with guys can be (let’s just be honest) awkward, confusing, hard, annoying, and so much more. I find that girls tend to do one of two things when it comes to guy friendships:

Revert to sarcasm, flirting, and more flirting.
Avoid guys like the plague and treat them as nearly non-existent.

Let me just say that I am not a fan of either of those options. I am a fan of treating Christian guys as brothers in Christ and interacting in a pure, fun, God-honoring way. I personally think guys are great. I have three brothers and love being around them. I have guy friends from church who I really enjoy spending time within group settings. I think guys add an awesome dimension to the world. How boring would life be if guys didn’t exist?

In the past, I’ve wondered how can I have pure, godly friendships with the opposite gender.

I’m excited to say that I have some great insight for you. I recently heard a message at my church that specifically talked about guy and girl friendships. My pastor gave us five specific areas in which we should evaluate our friendships with the opposite sex. Each of these different areas starts with a T making them easy to remember. You can go through these five T’s and ask yourself how your current guy interactions/friendships line up.

Here we go:

T—Time
Ephesians 5:15–16 says, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”

As a young Christian woman you need to evaluate your time spent with young men.

Are you squandering hours upon hours just “hanging out”?
Are you careful to make sure that the time you spend with guys is Christ honoring?
Is the amount of time you spend with your guy friends the wisest use of your time?

T—Talking
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Your conversations with guys must line up with Scripture. You are accountable to God for the words that you speak. Don’t excuse your conversation just because it’s with a guy.

What topics typically dominate the majority of your conversations with guys?
Do your conversations with guys contain crude, sarcastic, rude comments?
Do your words push your guy friends toward Christ or away?

T—Transparency
Proverbs 17:27 says, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”
When it comes to friendships with guys, you need to make sure that you keep a close eye on this one. Opening up, sharing deep feelings, and discussing personal topics can lead a friendship down a dangerous path.

Are you cautious with the amount of information you share with your guy friends?
Do you share personal/intimate secrets?
Do you pour out your heart to your guy friends?

T—Trust
First Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.'”
When picking guy friends, you need to look at their actions and not their words alone. Many girls have trusted guys who can talk the talk but didn’t walk the walk. Be wise about whom you choose to trust.

Do you purposefully choose to have godly guy friends?
Are you willing to give up a friendship with a guy if you know it isn’t good?
Have your morals been compromised with any of your current guy friendships?

T—Touch
First Thessalonians 4:3–5 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in a way in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”

Our friendships with guys should be marked by honor and holiness. As girls we should be encouraging our guy friends toward purity.

Do you show honor toward your guy friends in the area of physical touch?
Are you self-controlled with your hands, hugs, etc.?
Is the touching part of your relationships with guys holy in God’s sight?

That wraps up the five T’s—Time, Talking, Transparency, Trust, and Touch. I hope that those five areas give you direction when it comes to navigating your friendships with guys.

How are your guy friendships matching up with the five T’s?
Which areas would you say need improvement?

About Author

After a brief experience in the modeling industry, Bethany’s eyes were opened to how self-absorbed and lost her generation of young women really are. She and her older sister were inspired to start a blog (www.GirlDefined.com) and wrote a book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. Their passion is to help young women find God’s truth about beauty and womanhood and the freedom that comes from living a radically different life for Christ.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

  • * Requests or gives personal information such as email address, address, or phone number.
  • * Attacks other readers.
  • * Uses vulgar or profane language.