To the Girl Wrestling with Her Sexuality

From the Team: We know your generation, more than any before, is being pummeled with messages about sexuality, specifically same-sex attraction and behavior. We want to fearlessly but carefully point you toward God’s truth on these issues, so we’ve recruited the help of a friend of the blog, Laurie Krieg. Laurie has a personal connection with this specific struggle and a heart to see young women choose truth and live in freedom. Don’t miss Laurie’s posts on the blog the next few days.

You felt it. The glimmer of attraction. But wait! She’s the wrong gender. Yes, she. Then your thoughts start to swirl.

That’s not what is supposed to happen.
Am I gay?
Am I another letter in the LGBT+ alphabet?
Who am I?

Dear sister, if this is you, please take a beat right now to breathe. You are not alone. You are not some freak form of Christian. You are not some special sinner. You are a very normal sinner who experiences this specific form of temptation.

This is a part of my journey—both in the past, when I was closer to your age, and the present. Social scientists struggle to agree on the exact number of young people who experience some form of same-sex attractions, but please know you are not alone.

Nor is this temptation your primary identity.

I know you are not choosing the attractions. You may not be choosing to feel these longings. But you can choose what you do with them.

Who You Really Are

I experienced same-sex attractions since I was young, as young as five. I grew up in a great Christian family and in Christian culture. I perceived same-sex behavior not just as a sin but the worst sin. No one said it plainly, but I felt it was true. So instead of talking about what I was wrestling with, I felt incredible shame, and I kept it quiet.

No matter what you struggle with, your primary identity is in Christ.

Before engaging in a same-sex relationship in college, I wish I had stopped to think, Can I experience this attraction (this form of temptation), and, like every other form of temptation, offer it to God to help me and have other people support me in the journey?

That might sound terrifying. You might be thinking, There is no one safe I can talk to. They will reject me. Or I’ve already told my friends, and they told me it’s fine; it’s who I am. I hear you. If you have either been rejected or told this is who you are, there is so much hope for you. Why? Because if you confess Jesus as your Savior, no matter what you struggle with, your primary identity is in Christ.

For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. . . . There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal. 3:26, 28).

The apostle Paul struggled with temptation just like we do. He had an unnamed “thorn in his flesh,” which, as far as we know, God never took away (2 Cor. 12:7–10).

But Paul neither hated himself for being weak nor did he identify by his thorn. Instead, he offered his brokenness to God and received fullness and strength, making this bold claim: “I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9).

Can we not do the same with our sexual struggles? Can we pray, “God, I give You this. Can You help me?” Like I do daily, I am encouraging you to say, “God, I am wrestling with this temptation. Will You please show me what I am truly longing for? Will You take all of my weaknesses and replace them with Your friendship and strength?”

I intentionally added that word “friendship” in this example prayer to God. Why? Through my weaknesses, I have found an intimacy with God I never thought possible.

I also need tangible humans who can be the community Paul mentioned in Galatians. Go back and look again. Paul didn’t write “you [singularly] are one in Christ Jesus.” He wrote “you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

But who is safe? How can you know what type of people make up healthy community? Come back tomorrow, and we’ll talk about it.

About Author

Laurie Krieg is the founder of Hole in my Heart Ministries, a compassionate counseling ministry for those wrestling with issues related to sexuality. Laurie blogs, mentors, speaks nationally, and podcasts. She also serves as a director on the board of The Center for Faith, Sexuality & Gender. In her free time Laurie enjoys playing superheroes with her daughters, and running so she can eat more cookies. To learn more about Laurie and all she does visit

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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