“Everyone at church is judging me” was one of the whopper lies we uncovered during our research. In fact over 90 percent of the girls we talked to agreed with the statement “churches judge more than they love.”

This deception manifested itself is two dangerous ways. First, the girls we talked to admitted that their fear of judgment led them to feel pressure to be fake. Second, many said they were less likely to tell someone older about their sin for fear of being judged.

Clearly, feeling like the people in your church are judging you can have major ramifications. But is that feeling even real?

Nancy and Dannah address this in Lies Young Women Believe.

“After talking with many of you we feel confident that a lot of what you are experiencing is not actual judgment but the fear of being judged. Let us say that one more time in a different way. Most of what you are experiencing is in your head! Actually, let’s say it again, OK, not really, but you get the point.

We believe that most of the time you’re not actually being judged; you’re just afraid of it. This was brought home as we realized that some of the teens in our own churches and ministries felt afraid of our judgment. The fact is, we love them like crazy, and there’s nothing they could tell us that would throw us for a loop. We might not agree with some of their choices, and we would love them enough to be honest with them if we felt they were walking contrary to the Truth (we would want them to do the same for us!). But that would not diminish our commitment and our love for them one iota!” (Lies Young Women Believe, 125.)

What about you? Do you frequently feel judged by the people in your church? Do you have any evidence to back up that feeling? Or is their more evidence that the adults around you feel the way Nancy and Dannah describe feeling about the teenagers in their congregation?