An Ugly Secret About Friendships, Part 2

Insecurity isn’t a fun word to deal with. It’s one of those concepts that we roll around in our brain whenever we feel inadequate or less-than, but we don’t always know what word to add to those uncomfortable feelings. Insecurity is what drives most women to make catty remarks behind our back. Insecurity is also usually the root behind all mean girl motivation.

Yesterday we talked about building up the sisterhood in Christ rather than letting feelings of insecurity cause division. I believe this starts with an individual woman praying with Biblerealization of who we are in Christ before we are able to, as a collective group of sisters, come together and encourage and lift up one another. I wrote about confidence and turning our self-focus (insecurity) into an outward and upward focus on our King Jesus in my book, Stress Point:

Who we are in Christ, based on His majestic character, is not wrapped up in what others think about us.

  • If we’re not invited to the "cool girl’s" night out . . . we are still the daughters of the King.
  • If we didn’t receive the promotion at work and gain a pay increase . . . we are still loved and cherished by Jesus.
  • If Mr. Fabulous dumps us for Ms. Hot Body . . . the King is still enthralled with our beauty.

Through scenario after scenario in our everyday life, what others think of us-or don’t think of us-bombards our tender hearts. Our focus often remains on portraying ourselves in the way we want the world to see us, and we make that desired perception our truth. This self-focus is consuming and unproductive because we were not made to focus inward…

Philippians 2:9–11 challenges me to resist putting myself out there and, instead, make Jesus famous:

"Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

We spend so much time focusing on tweaking our image and worrying about the opinions of others that we lose sight of what really matters. What if our image and reputation were entangled in who He is instead? (Stress Point: Thriving Through Your Twenties In A Decade Of Drama, pages 46–47)

Just as I got super fired-up yesterday when writing about building a sisterhood rather than tearing each other down in competition out of insecurity, today I’m getting really excited thinking about the possibilities. What if…

  • Individually we spent so much time immersed in the Bible getting to know our King that when we come together as sisters we are confident and full of grace for one another. This means that we don’t look at the other girl’s beautiful features and tear her down because we don’t see that beauty in ourselves.
  • Individually we obey the Bible when it says love our enemies (Luke 6:27). And as sisters in Christ we stop gossiping and steer each other toward conversations full of words that reflect our love for Jesus.
  • Individually we take time to really talk to God in prayer about our life drama letting Him give us ultimate wisdom and guidance. That way, when we are venting to our sisters we aren’t completely dependent on their views and opinions but built up in their love and encouragement.

Will you pray this prayer with me today?

Father God, show me today the special ways that You love and cherish me. Show me how I can be confident in who You made me to be rather than live in insecurity. You alone can take those spaces in my heart where I’m insecure and fill them up with assurance and strength. Thank you for your never-failing love. Amen.

What do you think? What are some things in your life that cause insecurity? Do you see how insecurity can effect our friendships with other girls?

About Author

Sarah Martin

Sarah Martin loves doing life and ministry with young adult women. When she is not typing away on her laptop, she loves getting her hands messy with craft paint. She is the author of Stress Point: Thriving Through Your Twenties In A Decade Of Drama. Connect with Sarah on her blog LIVE IT OUT!

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