Dāv and I just celebrated our ten-month wedding anniversary. That’s an extremely short amount of time in the big scope of things. We’ve got a long ways to go before we hit fifty-year mark. We haven’t even hit our one-year anniversary. Honestly, that’s why we’re writing this blog.
Being a newlywed is one-hundred percent fresh on our minds because . . . well . . . we’re currently newlyweds. Yes, there is a ton of value from those who have walked the road and can look back and say, “Here’s what we did right, and here’s what we did wrong.” There is also a unique value that can come from couples who are in the midst of that season. We remember being newlyweds like it was yesterday, because it was.
Today, we want to answer your questions about love, purity, and marriage. We did a little survey online, and here’s what you asked.
Question: How do you intentionally pursue loving one another after the wedding?
A: I love that word “intentionally.” That’s truly the key in all of this. It takes intentionality. We have found godly influences and examples to be especially helpful in keeping us focused on truly loving one another. Having godly couple friends, mentors, and accountability in place helps to keep us on track. Instead of staying stagnant and building unhelpful habits, those people truly help us to grow and keep moving in the right direction. Dāv and I listen to a lot of podcasts, sermons, audiobooks, etc. Those also help to keep us thinking, growing, and learning. I highly recommend reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. Super helpful stuff!
Question: Do you ever feel like your personality is annoying to the other?
A: Don’t we all feel like that (single or married) at some time or another? It’s not because our personality is annoying, but because we all have a sinful and selfish side. I think the goal is to focus on exemplifying the fruit of the Spirit more and more. The fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness) are found in Galatians 5:22–23 and are anything but annoying. God calls all of us to love those around us in spite of our personality type.
Two amazing books to read to help with personality and “annoyingness” are Lies Women Believe and Lies Men Believe. These books really help unpack wrong ways of thinking and help us become who God designed us to be, from the inside out.
Question: How do you change your mindset about sex from singleness into marriage?
A: I love this question. What a crucial topic to think through before getting married. If you’re single, I strongly encourage you to gain a biblical view about your sexuality right now. You are a fully sexual being. Don’t wait until you get married to uproot wrong ways of thinking. Gaining a biblical understanding of God’s amazing design for your sexuality is crucial. Dāv and I did a few things to help us make this mindset shift well. We each found a godly married person (a woman for me and a man for him) who helped us walk through this mental shift before getting married. We each had the opportunity to ask questions and align our thinking with Scripture. We also got pre-marital counseling and read some great books on the topic.
A few books that you might find helpful in this area are:
Question 4: How do you navigate desiring sex at different times?
A: Dāv and I have made the topic of sex a very safe and comfortable conversation. We talk about our thoughts, feelings, and concerns. This has been huge in keeping sex a beautiful and sacred part of our marriage. Trouble comes when you stop communicating about sex. I personally recommend finding a godly older couple who can walk you through the nitty-gritty details of your marriage. Dāv and I have those people in our lives, and they are extremely helpful. In the end, our goal is to love and serve the other. I want to love Dāv, and he wants to love me. When we communicate well, that makes for a beautiful sexual relationship.
Question 5: Has your age difference been an issue at all in your marriage?
A: Every couple comes into marriage with some differences. Whether it’s culture, age, background, education, job, or something else, we all have differences. No two people are the exact same. I do think it’s important to be wise about those differences. I am older than Dāv by five years. Our marriage works well because Dāv is spiritually mature, a hard worker, and is constantly growing. If Dāv weren’t that way (if he were immature, lazy, not spiritually grounded, etc.) that would make it really hard. I encourage you to know the guy’s heart. See what he’s all about. Sometimes a twenty-five-year-old can be more mature than a thirty-five-year-old. It just depends on their relationship with God and the people they’ve chosen to surround themselves with. Take note of those things before entering into a serious relationship.
Question 6: How do you make sure that Christ is your all-in-all?
A. This is so hard, isn’t it? I don’t think this comes easily to anyone. Our sinful, selfish, fleshly sides are always wanting to idolize earthly people or things. It’s not our natural desire to put Christ first and make Him our all-in-all.
We all need three things:
- A personal relationship with Jesus. We need the power of the Holy Spirit enabling us with His strength.
- A consistent habit of being in the Word and talking to God through prayer.
- A biblically sound church community to help us stay on the straight and narrow. All of those things matter for single people and for married people.
I so wish we had more time to talk. This blog is already long enough, so we will have to cut it off here. If you have a question that wasn’t on this list, leave a comment below and we will do our best to answer it.